Showing posts with label Foster care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Foster care. Show all posts
Friday, November 12, 2010
Updated life update
Well, we had court. The attorneys decided there wasn't enough good evidence to terminate rights, so they are going to reunify Baby with her bio dad. So, while things could change, as of right now we aren't keeping Baby. See why I was CAUTIOUSLY super-excited? Things sometimes change hourly in the foster care business. Am I disappointed? Extremely. Surprised? Not especially. Sad? Very. Have I lost all hope? No way. Am I willing to accept whatever happens? With as much grace as I can. At the end of the day, God is in charge. Everything doesn't always work out how I think it should (lately very little has worked out how I think it should), but it always works out how God knows it should. My trials aren't nearly as bad as Job's, and he weathered his trials and was blessed in the end. I just hope I can handle my trials as well as him.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Life update
Jack and Pie went back to their bio dad the end of July. I knew a few weeks in advance that they were leaving, so I was able to go through the grieving process and get to a place of peace. I still have Baby (she has a different bio dad than Jack and Pie), so I was happily going along with my life and then bio mom got out of jail. Not a huge deal, but now I had to take Baby to visits with her. Jack and Pie also had visits with her at the same time. I hadn't seen them for three weeks, and the first visit I stayed in the visit room with them (since they all knew me, but didn't know her; it helped them to transition). Jack insisted on sitting on my lap the whole time, holding my hand and touching my face. Pie insisted on showing me how mad she was at me for abandoning her, and ignored me the whole time. So sad.
Seeing them started the grieving process all over again. Except it has taken longer than before. I get okay with things, and then see them again. Every week. It helps a little that I can see they are happy with their dad, and that they all are doing well. It also helps that their mom is not really in the picture (except these weekly visits for now), because then I know they will be really cared for and kept safe. I am starting to get to the acceptance phase of grief again. I think.
As hard as it has been for me to let them go, I wouldn't have traded the experience of being their mom. I got to have two beautiful girls in my family for almost a year. And, because I had them, I also was able to get Baby. What a blessing.
A couple of months ago, I knew that Baby was going to be going to her bio dad. I think he's a nice enough guy, but still. I've had her since she was born. She's my baby. But anyway, that's what you sign up to do as foster parents (masochistic, I know). I was preparing myself to let her go. The plan was that she would transition back to him sometime around October or November.
That has since changed. The case worker is now going to ask to terminate parental rights and change the plan to adoption. I am cautiously super-excited about the prospect of adopting Baby: super-excited because I would love nothing more than to adopt her; cautious because until the judge finalizes it, nothing is truly certain.
One more thing in addition to the whole system makes the adoption uncertain. I am moving out of state in December. You may wonder, why not just wait until everything is finalized? Long story. Sure you want to keep reading?
THE BACK STORY:
Many years ago (okay, more like 5,6,7? can't remember exactly) my husband embarked on an exciting adventure called self-employment. He had studied hard and prepared a lot so he could be a successful businessman. We also acquired some debt in order to finance many work-related things such as ongoing training and a professional office. We were not concerned though, nope. We had Savings and a Bright Future. We were going to live off of our savings until the day in the not-too-distant future when we would be Unbelievably Rich and do Good Things with our wealth. Hubby worked very hard and continued studying and got some clients. Sometimes things went well, and sometimes things fell through. But it was okay, because even though we weren't earning as much as we had expected to, we were going to keep working hard and Stick With It.
Finally after many years of Sticking With It, we had no more money. We stuck it out as long as we could, and a little longer, and then a little longer, then decided that maybe Hubby should get a job to help pay the bills while still trying to build his business. Hubby searched high and low for any job that wasn't McDonald's (he is, by the way, a very hard-working, honest, friendly, intelligent, and handsome man. He is also very much a "people person" and interviews very well.) So imagine our surprise when many months went by with no job offers except as a telemarketer. Grateful for anything, he accepted and began working at his New Employment where he was loved and appreciated by the managers. A little while later, he was also hired on at a medical equipment factory where he got to finally put all his skills and education to use making... plastic bags.
This Terribly Exciting work was better than nothing, but we were still not making enough to cover the bills every month without digging into our credit. Our savings was long gone, and we had been living off our home equity. Our business debt was on a SBA loan and a few credit cards. Through all the years, we had been faithfully paying all of our bills, and on time, but for some reason the credit card companies upped our APR and our minimum payments significantly. This was the reason we were sliding deeper into debt. We would have made enough to at least get by month to month if our payments hadn't skyrocketed. (Our debt really was mostly business debt and a small mortgage. We were very frugal with our personal finances. We even moved out of our home and rented it out -it wasn't selling- and rented a dumpy duplex to cut costs.)
Hubby's job obviously was not enough, so he continued to look for other options. He tried a MLM and a couple other sales jobs too. We finally decided to kill his business, and closed down his office. Then Hubby got hired on at a new start-up company with promise of a great salary and commissions. We could also move to another state near my parents and siblings.
Just before getting hired to this new job, we had Jack and Pie placed with us. Hubby trained for his new job for a few months while living here, and then, in January of this year, he moved to the other state to start his job. I stayed behind in the hopes that everything would soon be resolved with Jack and Pie. If they were to become available for adoption, we wanted to have the option to do that. Even if not, we didn't want to just pass them on to someone else. Also, we were now waiting for our house to sell. I was going to stick it out here for a few months while Hubby got his work stuff going there and figured out where we were going to live.
A couple of months later, Baby came. It sounded pretty certain that she was going to be almost immediately available to be adopted, so we certainly didn't want to pass that up. Especially because it looked possible that we would be able to adopt Jack and Pie, but it could still be a little longer.
Hubby's new job was with a great company, but they weren't growing as quickly as they had hoped. They decided not to do salaries anymore. Commissions were not very high, and although they had a great product, the technology was new enough that it was not an easy sell. Hubby was the top salesman, but we were still not making enough to get by, so he started looking for yet another job.
I am happy to say that he did get a new job. At a BANK. With a SALARY. In the Other State. In June. We also finally decided, very reluctantly, to declare bankruptcy, because even with the salary it wouldn't have been enough to cover the debt. So now I don't have to remind myself to breathe when I think about money. I can actually buy food instead of just living off our food storage and our garden. It is wonderful. However, I am still here, and he is still there.
So, for the reason I am not waiting to move: After being apart for nearly a year, Hubby and I have decided that we need to stop waiting for the courts. It could keep dragging out (this latest court has already been postponed twice). My son was in foster care for 22 months before we were finally able to adopt him. And we can't keep our family apart indefinitely any longer. So we set a date, bought Hubby a plane ticket, and reserved a rental truck. We will be here one more month and then we are moving. It is possible that everything could be resolved with Baby by December and we can adopt her then. IF both parents voluntarily relinquish their rights when we go to court next week. If not, we will have to wait for a pretrial, then a termination hearing and then after an appeal period an adoption hearing (should it actually go in that direction.) So, we are praying for parents to relinquish, because otherwise we would have to leave Baby with another foster family, and hope it doesn't drag out so long that she is more bonded to them than to us so they get to adopt her instead. It completely breaks my heart to think of leaving her. I mean, I don't really cry that much in general, but I cry plenty over her. However, as much I am willing to stay here, my husband needs us and we need him, and I have to go.
And that is my really long sob story (and happy story too, because we do get to be with my husband again AND move out of the cold place where winters are long, to the warm place where winters are mild).
not really THE END (especially the way the court system goes 'round here)
Seeing them started the grieving process all over again. Except it has taken longer than before. I get okay with things, and then see them again. Every week. It helps a little that I can see they are happy with their dad, and that they all are doing well. It also helps that their mom is not really in the picture (except these weekly visits for now), because then I know they will be really cared for and kept safe. I am starting to get to the acceptance phase of grief again. I think.
As hard as it has been for me to let them go, I wouldn't have traded the experience of being their mom. I got to have two beautiful girls in my family for almost a year. And, because I had them, I also was able to get Baby. What a blessing.
A couple of months ago, I knew that Baby was going to be going to her bio dad. I think he's a nice enough guy, but still. I've had her since she was born. She's my baby. But anyway, that's what you sign up to do as foster parents (masochistic, I know). I was preparing myself to let her go. The plan was that she would transition back to him sometime around October or November.
That has since changed. The case worker is now going to ask to terminate parental rights and change the plan to adoption. I am cautiously super-excited about the prospect of adopting Baby: super-excited because I would love nothing more than to adopt her; cautious because until the judge finalizes it, nothing is truly certain.
One more thing in addition to the whole system makes the adoption uncertain. I am moving out of state in December. You may wonder, why not just wait until everything is finalized? Long story. Sure you want to keep reading?
THE BACK STORY:
Many years ago (okay, more like 5,6,7? can't remember exactly) my husband embarked on an exciting adventure called self-employment. He had studied hard and prepared a lot so he could be a successful businessman. We also acquired some debt in order to finance many work-related things such as ongoing training and a professional office. We were not concerned though, nope. We had Savings and a Bright Future. We were going to live off of our savings until the day in the not-too-distant future when we would be Unbelievably Rich and do Good Things with our wealth. Hubby worked very hard and continued studying and got some clients. Sometimes things went well, and sometimes things fell through. But it was okay, because even though we weren't earning as much as we had expected to, we were going to keep working hard and Stick With It.
Finally after many years of Sticking With It, we had no more money. We stuck it out as long as we could, and a little longer, and then a little longer, then decided that maybe Hubby should get a job to help pay the bills while still trying to build his business. Hubby searched high and low for any job that wasn't McDonald's (he is, by the way, a very hard-working, honest, friendly, intelligent, and handsome man. He is also very much a "people person" and interviews very well.) So imagine our surprise when many months went by with no job offers except as a telemarketer. Grateful for anything, he accepted and began working at his New Employment where he was loved and appreciated by the managers. A little while later, he was also hired on at a medical equipment factory where he got to finally put all his skills and education to use making... plastic bags.
This Terribly Exciting work was better than nothing, but we were still not making enough to cover the bills every month without digging into our credit. Our savings was long gone, and we had been living off our home equity. Our business debt was on a SBA loan and a few credit cards. Through all the years, we had been faithfully paying all of our bills, and on time, but for some reason the credit card companies upped our APR and our minimum payments significantly. This was the reason we were sliding deeper into debt. We would have made enough to at least get by month to month if our payments hadn't skyrocketed. (Our debt really was mostly business debt and a small mortgage. We were very frugal with our personal finances. We even moved out of our home and rented it out -it wasn't selling- and rented a dumpy duplex to cut costs.)
Hubby's job obviously was not enough, so he continued to look for other options. He tried a MLM and a couple other sales jobs too. We finally decided to kill his business, and closed down his office. Then Hubby got hired on at a new start-up company with promise of a great salary and commissions. We could also move to another state near my parents and siblings.
Just before getting hired to this new job, we had Jack and Pie placed with us. Hubby trained for his new job for a few months while living here, and then, in January of this year, he moved to the other state to start his job. I stayed behind in the hopes that everything would soon be resolved with Jack and Pie. If they were to become available for adoption, we wanted to have the option to do that. Even if not, we didn't want to just pass them on to someone else. Also, we were now waiting for our house to sell. I was going to stick it out here for a few months while Hubby got his work stuff going there and figured out where we were going to live.
A couple of months later, Baby came. It sounded pretty certain that she was going to be almost immediately available to be adopted, so we certainly didn't want to pass that up. Especially because it looked possible that we would be able to adopt Jack and Pie, but it could still be a little longer.
Hubby's new job was with a great company, but they weren't growing as quickly as they had hoped. They decided not to do salaries anymore. Commissions were not very high, and although they had a great product, the technology was new enough that it was not an easy sell. Hubby was the top salesman, but we were still not making enough to get by, so he started looking for yet another job.
I am happy to say that he did get a new job. At a BANK. With a SALARY. In the Other State. In June. We also finally decided, very reluctantly, to declare bankruptcy, because even with the salary it wouldn't have been enough to cover the debt. So now I don't have to remind myself to breathe when I think about money. I can actually buy food instead of just living off our food storage and our garden. It is wonderful. However, I am still here, and he is still there.
So, for the reason I am not waiting to move: After being apart for nearly a year, Hubby and I have decided that we need to stop waiting for the courts. It could keep dragging out (this latest court has already been postponed twice). My son was in foster care for 22 months before we were finally able to adopt him. And we can't keep our family apart indefinitely any longer. So we set a date, bought Hubby a plane ticket, and reserved a rental truck. We will be here one more month and then we are moving. It is possible that everything could be resolved with Baby by December and we can adopt her then. IF both parents voluntarily relinquish their rights when we go to court next week. If not, we will have to wait for a pretrial, then a termination hearing and then after an appeal period an adoption hearing (should it actually go in that direction.) So, we are praying for parents to relinquish, because otherwise we would have to leave Baby with another foster family, and hope it doesn't drag out so long that she is more bonded to them than to us so they get to adopt her instead. It completely breaks my heart to think of leaving her. I mean, I don't really cry that much in general, but I cry plenty over her. However, as much I am willing to stay here, my husband needs us and we need him, and I have to go.
And that is my really long sob story (and happy story too, because we do get to be with my husband again AND move out of the cold place where winters are long, to the warm place where winters are mild).
not really THE END (especially the way the court system goes 'round here)
Monday, April 5, 2010
New baby, or why I haven't posted in a while.
I have had so many things I have wanted to post about in the last few weeks, but having recently acquired a brand new baby, I have slacked on things of lesser importance, such as blogging and sleeping. Jack and Pie's bio mom had a new baby (we'll call her Baby) mid-March and I was called to pick her up on her release from the hospital. Of course I was terribly excited (I LOVE babies!), but not at all expecting it, due to the fact that she wasn't supposed to be born until sometime in April, and I had been told she wasn't coming into custody. Due to the unexpectedness of the call (I had to leave almost immediately to pick her up), I was completely unprepared. So I have spent the last couple weeks trying to arrange my life and my home to fit a new baby (and fit in all the doctors visits that I have to do when I get a new foster child into custody). Like, her stuff is all still in a bag because I haven't had a chance to arrange it yet. Anytime I need something like an outfit I am not going to my neatly organized nursery. No, I am digging through a huge bag in my closet. Hopefully I'll get to it this week. I have managed, however, to keep my home reasonably clean and my family reasonably fed.
Having a new baby isn't the only thing that has been busy the last few weeks. Louie was in her first "professional" ballet, and she had a bunch of practices and performances (and I was a parent helper). Hubby flew in for a week, and then flew out, taking Chuckles with him (and I had to drive to the airport 1 1/2 hours away each time). Jack and Pie had extra visits with bio dad (visits are 1 hour away and I have to wait 2-3 hours during the visit, because it would just be a waste of time and gas to drive home during the visit). Also, I took the girls to the Oregon Trail Museum, (very cool) which is about 1 1/2 hours away. All of these little things add up to whole days being used up. So, yes, I have felt kind of busy the last few weeks.
One thing I have done for me in the last few weeks has been to finally read the pile of books from the library that I hadn't been able to justify taking the time to read before. Baby takes a long time to eat, so I've started reading during feeding (her eyes are closed most of the time anyway) and while she is sleeping in my arms. I've read at least 8 books in the last two weeks. I read the last two books in the Looking Glass Wars trilogy (okay, but not my favorite read. It was too choppy for me, but I'm a compulsive reader. Once I start I have a hard time stopping.), Uglies by Scott Westerfeld (I enjoyed this one, and want to read the next books in the series), Shipwreck at the Bottom of the World: the extraordinary true story of Shackleton and the Endurance by Jennifer Armstrong (very interesting), Pandora gets Jealous by Carolyn Hennesy (kind of a fun way to learn about Greek mythology), Mara, daughter of the Nile by Eloise Jarvis McGraw (Louie is into anything Egyptian, so I got this hoping that she would read it. Having renewed it 2 times, I decided that I should at least read it, and after reading it asked Louie if I should just return it. She suddenly decided that she wanted to read it, and did so in two days. We both liked it.), In Defense of Food: an eater's manifesto by Michael Pollan (my favorite part is when he calls what we eat in America edible foodlike substance...so true!), and my latest, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver (good food for thought). I love to read, and I like a wide variety of books. I'm always open to recommendations. What do you think I should read next?
Having a new baby isn't the only thing that has been busy the last few weeks. Louie was in her first "professional" ballet, and she had a bunch of practices and performances (and I was a parent helper). Hubby flew in for a week, and then flew out, taking Chuckles with him (and I had to drive to the airport 1 1/2 hours away each time). Jack and Pie had extra visits with bio dad (visits are 1 hour away and I have to wait 2-3 hours during the visit, because it would just be a waste of time and gas to drive home during the visit). Also, I took the girls to the Oregon Trail Museum, (very cool) which is about 1 1/2 hours away. All of these little things add up to whole days being used up. So, yes, I have felt kind of busy the last few weeks.
One thing I have done for me in the last few weeks has been to finally read the pile of books from the library that I hadn't been able to justify taking the time to read before. Baby takes a long time to eat, so I've started reading during feeding (her eyes are closed most of the time anyway) and while she is sleeping in my arms. I've read at least 8 books in the last two weeks. I read the last two books in the Looking Glass Wars trilogy (okay, but not my favorite read. It was too choppy for me, but I'm a compulsive reader. Once I start I have a hard time stopping.), Uglies by Scott Westerfeld (I enjoyed this one, and want to read the next books in the series), Shipwreck at the Bottom of the World: the extraordinary true story of Shackleton and the Endurance by Jennifer Armstrong (very interesting), Pandora gets Jealous by Carolyn Hennesy (kind of a fun way to learn about Greek mythology), Mara, daughter of the Nile by Eloise Jarvis McGraw (Louie is into anything Egyptian, so I got this hoping that she would read it. Having renewed it 2 times, I decided that I should at least read it, and after reading it asked Louie if I should just return it. She suddenly decided that she wanted to read it, and did so in two days. We both liked it.), In Defense of Food: an eater's manifesto by Michael Pollan (my favorite part is when he calls what we eat in America edible foodlike substance...so true!), and my latest, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver (good food for thought). I love to read, and I like a wide variety of books. I'm always open to recommendations. What do you think I should read next?
Thursday, March 18, 2010
My family
I am a wife to a wonderful man "Hubby" who I will have been married to for 13 years next Monday. I am the mother of a fluctuating number of children. I have a 9-year-old daughter "Louie" and a 4-year-old son "Chuckles". I have also been blessed to be able to be a foster parent to 11 different children over the last five years. I currently have two amazingly gorgeous foster daughters, 2.5-year-old "Jack" and 18-month-old "Pie." (And those are really our nicknames for them!).
I love being a wife, and I love being a mom. However, loving it doesn't always make it easy. Today, for example, was crazy. My house looks like a tornado went through it. I was after Louie all day to do her chores (some left over from yesterday). Chuckles bit Louie. Chuckles hit Jack and then said that Jack hit him (not that the reason he had hit her was because she had hit him, but that she had been the only one doing the hitting. He has been blaming the babies quite a bit lately for things he has done.) Louie informed me (while crying because I told her to work on her chores) about how embarrassed she is that I am "natural, not normal!" (Why can't you be like everyone else's mom?!!!) Chuckles dumped Jack's sippy cup all over the bathroom floor. I raised my voice with Louie and our neighbor boys heard. (It's hard when you live in a duplex!) Jack soaked through at least 5 diapers and pants (She can go from dry to overflowing in less than 1 hour! She drinks a lot of water.) Pie kept climbing up on the table. NO ONE was listening to me! Everyone was crying for no good reason! I called my husband (who is currently about 26 hours away) and told him what a hard day I was having. A lady from my church called and asked how I was doing and I lied through my teeth. I was having a rotten day. It was about the closest I've ever been to breaking down and crying right in front of my kids!
Then, the kids got ready for bed. We read our scriptures (with the kids actually listening and keeping fairly quiet). The kids took turns saying their prayers and we had our family prayer. Louie and Chuckles went into their room. I put Pie down in her bed, and then stood quietly in the dark room swaying and holding Jack while she snuggled into me. There's nothing better than that. What a great day.
I love being a wife, and I love being a mom. However, loving it doesn't always make it easy. Today, for example, was crazy. My house looks like a tornado went through it. I was after Louie all day to do her chores (some left over from yesterday). Chuckles bit Louie. Chuckles hit Jack and then said that Jack hit him (not that the reason he had hit her was because she had hit him, but that she had been the only one doing the hitting. He has been blaming the babies quite a bit lately for things he has done.) Louie informed me (while crying because I told her to work on her chores) about how embarrassed she is that I am "natural, not normal!" (Why can't you be like everyone else's mom?!!!) Chuckles dumped Jack's sippy cup all over the bathroom floor. I raised my voice with Louie and our neighbor boys heard. (It's hard when you live in a duplex!) Jack soaked through at least 5 diapers and pants (She can go from dry to overflowing in less than 1 hour! She drinks a lot of water.) Pie kept climbing up on the table. NO ONE was listening to me! Everyone was crying for no good reason! I called my husband (who is currently about 26 hours away) and told him what a hard day I was having. A lady from my church called and asked how I was doing and I lied through my teeth. I was having a rotten day. It was about the closest I've ever been to breaking down and crying right in front of my kids!
Then, the kids got ready for bed. We read our scriptures (with the kids actually listening and keeping fairly quiet). The kids took turns saying their prayers and we had our family prayer. Louie and Chuckles went into their room. I put Pie down in her bed, and then stood quietly in the dark room swaying and holding Jack while she snuggled into me. There's nothing better than that. What a great day.
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